Stop Criticising Your Child’s Performance

Your Words Matter More Than Anyone Else's.

Performing is personal.

It’s vulnerable, it’s scary, and it’s deeply tied to our self-worth.

When your child performs on stage, it’s not just a skill they’re sharing. They're sharing themselves. So when you offer feedback — even with the best intentions — you’re not just commenting on the performance. You’re shaping how they see themselves as an artist, and sometimes, as a person.

That might sound dramatic. But if you’ve ever received an off-hand critical comment after a vulnerable moment, you know exactly what I mean.

You know the phrase - "You are your own worst critic"? It applies to kids too.

Singing Isn't Like Maths — It's Personal

If you tell a child “You’re not good at maths,” they hear: “I’m not good at maths.”

If you tell a child “You’re not good at singing,” they hear:

“You’re not a good singer.”

Or worse:

“You don’t have a good voice.”

That’s not feedback. That’s identity.

Learning to sing, act, dance or perform should be treated like any other skill — learned, practised, improved over time. Like learning to cook. Or learning French. But it's not. It's emotional. It's scary. It's personal. It requires bravery. And we need to treat it with care.

You Could Break Something You Can’t See

Imagine this.

You’re 38. You’ve just started singing lessons. You sing in a community showcase — you’re terrified, but you do it anyway.

Afterward, your partner says:

“That high note was a bit shaky.”

How do you feel?

Now imagine they said:

“I thought the tone of your voice was really lovely.”

or

“I was so proud of you getting up to sing.”

or

“I can tell how much work you’ve put in.”

Feel the difference?

Your child is vulnerable too. And when they ask, “What did you think?” they’re asking you to see them. Not the missed note. Not the nerves. Not the voice break or forgotten lyrics. Them.

How to Actually Give Feedback That Helps

Here’s what you need to know and how to give feedback that helps your young performer.

1. Positive Point Only

Imagine you're going white water rafting down a river. The instructor says, “I’ll never point at the rocks. I’ll point only to where I want you to go.”

This is called positive point. That’s how we give feedback.

We point to what’s working and what they did well - because that’s how they learn what to repeat.

2. Don’t Lie — But Never Lead With The Flaws

Yes, their voice might have cracked. Yes, they forgot the words. But you don’t need to say that. Chances are, they already know.

Instead, ask: “How did the performance feel for you?”

This gives them space to reflect, and it gives you a chance to support — not criticize.

Conversation 1:

Kid: “Mum, what did you think?”

You: “I was so proud to see you up there. I could tell you worked really hard. How did it feel?”

Kid: “Okay, but I messed up the high note.”

You: “I know. But that’s okay. You’re learning. And it’s one note out of a hundred. Maybe we can work on it together for next time.”

Kid: "Yeah. I remembered all my lyrics though!"

You: "I KNOW! I was so impressed."

Conversation 2:

Kid: “Mum, what did you think?”

You: “You did well. That high note is really hard, huh.”

Kid: “Yeah…” (Spends the next two weeks thinking about it.)

3. Be Specific

Don’t say “It was good.”

Say:

• “I could hear you clearly the whole time.”

• “Your low notes sounded amazing.”

• “You remembered all your lines and kept the scene going when someone stumbled.”

  
  

Specific praise helps reinforce what went well — and it teaches them how to grow.

4. Criticism Isn’t Protection

Telling your child what they “need to work on” doesn’t shield them from disappointment. It confirms their fears.

What they need from you is:

• “I’m proud of you.”

• "I saw you did THIS well"

• “What did you think?”

• “What do you want to work on next?”

  
  

Let them lead the critique. They already know what didn’t go to plan. Your job is to help them keep going and remind them that one mistake doesn't define their performance.

5. Support Self-Reflection

When your child says, “I forgot my line,” or “My voice cracked”...

You can say, “Yeah, and that’s okay. Let’s figure out how to make that easier next time.”

It isn’t about pretending everything was perfect. Don't say "Oh really, I didn't notice!"

It’s about staying on their team and facilitating productive self-reflection.

You're looking for "I forgot my line", not "I suck and it was terrible".

6. Use “I” Statements

Frame your observations from your perspective to make them more personal and less judgmental:

• “I really enjoyed how you stayed in character throughout the scene.”

• "I loved the tone of your voice when you went up to the higher notes"

• "I love how you were able to improvise even when you forgot a line"

  
  

This approach fosters a supportive environment where feedback feels like a shared experience.

This Isn’t Coddling — It’s Coaching

This approach doesn’t mean “never give feedback.”

It means you can collaborate on feedback when your child is ready to reflect, and make it a shared experience led by your child.

It means don't give feedback when they’re standing in the car park still coming down from the adrenaline of performing in front of a crowd.

We're amazed what kids can learn when they feel safe and have the space to reflect. They ask what they can do better. They seek help. They keep showing up.

But not if they feel like they’re failing.

Wrap Up

If your child told you they want to play Elphaba in Wicked one day, what would you say?

“Hmm, that’s a big dream. You might not get there.”

Or

“That’s amazing. If you work hard, you can do anything you set your mind to.”

Let your child be bold. Let them dream. Your belief in them is more powerful than you know.

And you're not setting them up for disappointment. You're setting them up to believe in themselves, to be brave enough to learn something new, to be ambitious, and to keep trying.

So next time they step off the stage, start with this:

“I saw you. I was so proud. How did it feel?”

That’s how to foster a confident, self-aware and resilient artist.

We’re here to help you — and your young performer — every step of the way. You can get in touch with us via email at Admin@BeXDcreate.com or call 0459 058 721.

If you would like to join our holiday workshops, check out upcoming programs HERE.